You are not invited to my party
This guy gets a note from his neighbor apologizing ahead of time for a party they are going to be throwing, and it all goes downhill from there.
“A few weeks ago, a guy moved into the apartment across from me. I know little about him apart from the fact that he owns cane furniture as I saw the delivery guys carry it up. I bumped into him on the stairs once and he said hello but I cannot be friends with someone that owns cane furniture so I pretended I had a turtle to feed or something.”